Can I Rise Up To My Pizza Dough Belly?

My kids love pepperoni roll—an easy dinner of gooey goodness. Last year when the kids helped me make it one of my cuties observed, “The pizza dough looks just like your belly, Mom.” And indeed it did. Instead of gushing about how it’s a badge of motherhood—(I’ve never liked espousing that), or making excuses for my stretch marks, I just laughed and said, “Yup, you’re right.” Because the kid was spot on.

But it’s not just post-baby body changes. Before I turned 40 one of my girlfriends warned me that everything I knew about my body was about to dramatically transform--fluctuating hormones, a sluggish metabolism, thinning hair, and practically non-existent eyelashes, to name a few. Having a mole biopsied in June woke me up to realize that yes, times are a-changing, and I started regretting my teenage Banana Boat Ultimate Tanning lotion years.

Middle-aged women, how do we see ourselves? And how is our self-reflection mirroring to others?

For the first time in my life serious conversations of Botox and at what age for your first chemical peel swirl around coffee chats. And then I think, who has the time to really deliberate which night cream is the most productive to reverse signs of aging? I do get my hair highlighted—am I just contributing to some societal standard? I read Good Housekeeping yesterday, and 8 of the first 9 advertisements promote products to make me look younger; hence, healthier and more vibrant.

So, no surprise, plastic surgery and Botox are on the rise. From 2011-2012 cosmetic procedures grew 6% for 40-54 year-olds.* For a broader perspective-- since 1997 the number of cosmetic procedures for women increased over 471%. That constitutes $11 billion on cosmetic procedures in 2012 in America.**

If this generation is more educated, has gained broader experiences, has broken through glass ceilings, why are we striving for a body ideal more so than our mothers’ generation?

When I was a first-year in undergrad Naomi Wolf spoke to a chapel filled with eager, on the brink of their own feminist thoughts women. To be honest, at that age I half-listened to her warnings of how society’s high standards of beauty were worsening. I had youthful skin, no children, and I wasn’t really “out in society” feeling pressures yet. But now I realize how her warnings have manifested.

More recently the Dove Self-Esteem Project warns that the negative language we use to talk about our bodies, and when critiquing other women, harms our youth’s self-confidence leading to unhealthy eating and exercise habits—even to anorexia and bulimia. And to add stress, Dana Hunsinger Benbow in a USA Today article states that “It's not the media or skinny, out-of-proportion Barbie dolls or even peer pressure that is the No. 1 cause of body issues for young girls. It's their mothers.”

Yikes.

Listen—I’m not judging. More wondering and observing. Is it worth it? In this next decade will we be more alert to our appearances—more than ever? And what is the ripple effect of these ubiquitous body enhancements on the next generation?

I have no answers—this is a conversation—but for now, I “knead” to simply roll, (with pepperoni), and hopefully be as real, honest, and accepting about the many physical changes ahead. It certainly is a lot to digest.

“You could see the signs of female aging as diseased, especially if you had a vested interest in making women, too see them your way. Or you could see that a woman is healthy if she lives to grow old; as she thrives, she reacts and speaks and shows emotion, and grows into her face.”

Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

 

* American Society of Plastic Surgeons http://www.plasticsurgery.org/Documents/news-resources/statistics/2012-Plastic-Surgery-Statistics/full-plastic-surgery-statistics-report.pdf

** American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery http://www.surgery.org/sites/default/files/ASAPS-2012-Stats.pdf

http://selfesteem.dove.us/Articles/Written/Body_talk_use_the_power_of_your_words_to_feel_great.aspx

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/08/23/moms-daughters-influence-body-image/2690921/

Dive in and Take Another Chance: 5 Lessons Learned From Summer Swim Team

Last year my oldest son cried when he did not make the summer swim team. So this past May when he wanted to try out again I cringed. I even suggested he not take the chance. Mom of the Year told him not to—better than fail, I thought to myself. The cold and rainy tryout day? I secretly was happy that maybe I could convince him to stay home. For a kid who did not swim the entire school year I thought he was crazy to attempt once more. And be disappointed. As we waited in line for his turn he turned to me and said, “Maybe I should have taken some lessons.” And then what shocked me? He jumped in the pool and completed four lengths of what looked like freestyle, backstroke, and creative interpretations of breaststroke and butterfly. When the coaches told Jack that he made the team he looked at me with the same blue eyes as the year before, but this time I saw pure excitement. And my heart soared. What if we had stayed home and played the Wii that afternoon?

No, this is not a bragging piece about my kid’s summertime swimming sojourn. Instead, over the last few months I noodled over the notions about what we can learn from youth. Proudly I saw a lot of growth in an 8 year-old. Why not internalize some lessons as I watched him this summer? Who’s to say we shouldn’t look at our kids—nieces, nephews, students, neighbors--and inject some of their youthful zeitgeist? We’re still young-at-heart, right?

Top Lessons this 40 Year-Old Learned from My Son this Summer:

1.       The Stakes Aren’t as High as Adults Think: Kids don’t overanalyze every possible outcome, what people will think, and how decisions could affect their life ever after. They live much more in the present.

2.      Sheer Focus Leads to Success: My son wouldn’t put his feet down at that swimming tryout—the same applies to our lives. Don’t give up easily—keep paddling even if you’re tired. Remember your goals.

3.      Practice Does Perfect: While an Olympic tryout isn’t in my son’s near future, after two months he can swim all four strokes. When you want to improve in life, you need to dedicate the time to improve. You undoubtedly will.

4.      Cheer Loudly for Your Teammates: Aren’t we all in this together? Celebrate the successes of your friends and peers—it feels good; it is pure fun. And your friends appreciate the thoughtfulness.

5.      Have Faith in Yourself: Even if no one else believes in you, (even your mother), go for it. Be brave. You are the master of your own destiny. That experience is powerful—and will stay with you for the rest of your life.

When you need a boost of confidence or are afraid to be humbled—remember, our children face those moving moments each and every day. And they survive. Even thrive sometimes. Dive right in yourself. And be mindful of that kid kicking inside you—and if you need to, collect some mental ribbons of your successes. Just trying your best can be good enough. I think about that May day and if Jack didn’t try--not only would he have not learned to love a new sport, but I, too, would have missed out on learning some important life lessons.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” 

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Are we just trying to raise “super people” who are afraid to fail? Read this article for more insight.  http://www.newrepublic.com/article/118747/ivy-league-schools-are-overrated-send-your-kids-elsewhere