I remember
my very first concert--I must have been four or five. My parents took us to The
Great Allentown Fair to see the rock and roll nostalgia group Sha Na Na, who
performed in the movie Grease as
Johnny Casino and the Gamblers--and had their own syndicated TV show, a
favorite in our house. The song that inspired their name, the 1957 Silhouettes tune
“Get a Job,” has been ricocheting in my brain. Partly because my 11 year-old
daughter keeps insisting that it’s time for me to go back to work full-time. Often
she comes home from school and asks me, “What did you do all day?” which,
believe me, as a 90% stay-at-home mom, gets under my skin. Even this week, during
a pre-holiday spending spree she said, “It would be good if you got a job.”
Would it serve our
family well for me to work full-time? How many other fortysomething mothers ponder
this question?
Luckily we
live in a situation where my husband supports us. But is that enough? And I don’t
mean just financially, even as probable college tuition bills loom six years ahead.
Do my kids see me as merely a cook, laundry servant, chauffeur, and sports
sideline supporter? And does that even matter?
Part of me hesitates
to answer, “Yes.”
My mom, a talented
elementary school teacher, returned to work when I was in sixth grade, (the
same age as my daughter). Seeing my mom teach…and how much she enjoyed it…and
how much students loved her…I was proud of her. And I respected her. For being
more than just a sweatpants-wearing grocery shopper, (yoga pants weren’t
popular in the 80s). She balanced all of the household and kid responsibilities
while successfully working. I truly did care that she had her own career to make
her an equal to my dad.
And many
women prove themselves as equal counterparts. According to the Pew Research
Center the share of two-parent households in which both parents work full time stands
at 46% in 2015, up from 31% in 1970. For my own health and sanity I think a
full-time gig would drive me over the edge. That a more substantial part-time
work arrangement would be best…but those jobs aren’t easy to find.
A Forbes article about finding flexible
jobs, alluding to life balance, offers that creative and knowledge-based fields
like education, design, writing, and IT provide the most flexibility, but some
business and healthcare part-time options are now surfacing.
I admit that
I wanted my mom to be “more than”…so flash forward to now and what that means as
my kids perceive me. And why I hesitated to say “yes” above… because I know the
effort, energy, and sacrifices involved if I do work more.
I agree with
writer and feminist Betty Friedan who said women can have it all, just not at
the same time. The flexibility I enjoy so I can volunteer at my kids’ school,
revel in some quiet, write blog posts, and play tennis conflicts with a
building pressure I feel. Because I’m an educated, capable person. And I see
Sha Na Na’s Bowser flexing while wearing his black muscle shirt, akin to Rosie
the Riveter in a similar strong pose, humming that “Get a Job” melody, likely echoing
louder in the next few years.
“Each suburban wife struggles with it alone. As she
made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut
butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay
beside her husband at night- she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent
question-- 'Is this all?”
― Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique , 1963
― Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique , 1963
If you’re
interested in reading more about going back to work and women in the workplace:
For the Pew
Research Center article:
For the Forbes article about flexible jobs:
And even more
related reading:
