There’s a reason for Velcro sneakers, even though I always considered
them a little tacky. Small kids battle with tying their shoes. Heck, lately I’ve
been reminding all four kids to tie their overpriced sneakers and Sperrys.
I remember feeling relief when an after school teacher taught
my youngest how to tie his shoes at age 5. But I don’t know what’s happened to
his skills. Now his laces look mangled, and his shoes are deteriorating, not
looking supportive. He doesn’t care about loose laces, and I look at his weary
shoes and think—it’s so easy: just take the time to simply tie them well. Before
school I’ve been tightly retying them with a solid double knot because I fear he
will fall and get hurt.
Made me think about the strength—and weakness--of ties in
relationships.
In the powerfully written and moving saga A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara four
college roommates work through the changing landscape of relationships,
careers, and self-awareness over the span of 30 years. One character has a
specifically harrowing nightmare of a past. Yet the author cleverly weaves the
dark story line with glimmers of love, hope, and life insights. One in
particular stood out to me. Yanagihara describes marriage…and the notion that successful
relationships need 3 strong reasons/virtues why you are with your partner. If
you have 4 binding ties to each other you’re considered lucky.
This idea transcends marriages…to friendships, workplaces,
family relationships…
Do you think about the 3 reasons you are bonded/connected to a
relationship? And what happens when those ties fray?
I’m reading Daniel Goleman’s book A Force for Good about the Dalai Lama. Through anecdotes,
quotations, and research the narrative covers global ideas, problems, and solutions—all
stressing compassion as the necessary antidote to ubiquitous evils. When
Goleman asks the Dalai Lama about whether he has hope for the Chinese and a solution
or compromise for Tibet, the Dalai Lama differentiates the Chinese from the
Communist Party. He explains it’s the Communist Party’s need for power that
stands in the way. “The Communists have to use lots of censorship, which is actually
a sign of their weakness—it shows their fear, that they have something to hide.”
He advocates complete transparency, which is the basis of trust.
Which made me ponder…yes, when relationships wither and my
stomach feels in knots about particular instances, the distilled, true essence missing
is trust. And usually what causes that deterioration? A build-up of lies and the
withholding of information.
So is trust the first, most important knot? What works
for you?
If my son’s shoes could withstand a triple tie I would do
that…because like the novel suggests—having 3 firm knots bind and create a
solid foundation. And I suggest for the first, secure a tight one that you can trust to keep it together. Any others
serve as bonuses to strengthen and support. Lace up your life with truth and you
will step forward into a healthy space where goodness abounds.
