One is Silver and the Other Old

Weddings and funerals bring out the best and worst in people. We’ve all seen it. Your true friends show up when you experience life’s inevitable highs/successes/joys and on the flipside, the lows/setbacks/sadness. And we’ve lived long enough to know whom we can trust. But what happens when you feel disappointed by a friend? Do you pull away? Agonize over past conversations? Confront that person?

Whenever I feel grumpy, discouraged by a friend, I pull myself out of the slump by lending a hand to someone else. It helps to think of others versus pity myself and “tsk” at the bags under my eyes. It may not always be easy, especially when the energy wanes, but I guarantee if you direct outward, the inner core lightens, and your mood lifts. Plus, the focus on others diverts the attention from whatever and whoever bothers you.

But lately I’ve wondered how good of a friend we are to ourselves. Does my own advice apply? 

Recently I commented to my kids, “You better like yourself. Because you’re your own best friend,” an idea I heard often from my own parents. My kids considered the concept hilarious. 

“How can you invite yourself to your birthday party?” one asked.

“Would you buy your own birthday present?” another added.

Obviously they missed the point…or did they? 

Especially when our self-esteem plummets, how quickly do we attack ourselves? Fill our heads with a negative monologue? Jab at shortcomings while expressing disappointment in the mirror? Shake our own heads with self-doubt? Fall into a depression and watch too many FX marathons of some TV show to keep us company through the wee hours of the night?

Instead of pulling away or agonizing over some event or thought---confront yourself. Invite yourself to the party. Summon the best friend inside your soul.  Don’t walk away from the one person who is always with you…you. Give yourself that helping hand that you would a friend in need…be it gifts, time, a thought, even a simple pat on the back. 

To paraphrase the Girl Scouts’ “Make New Friends” jingle, we are silver and old, to ourselves. Meaning, we are precious and have been around enough. So we should know how to cheer up oneself and treat ourselves like gold, or, um, silver. Everybody has their own methods. For me, an easy way I pamper myself is to buy yummy seafood, since no one in my immediate family eats shellfish. And I crave it. The process of cleaning the shells, steaming clams in a fragrant wine, butter, and garlic sauce, and savoring each and every bite reminds me that I, too, am important. And it feels good to do something simple yet nourishing for me. Take stock in your own friendship reserves, treat yourself from time to time, and reaffirm that friend you have in you.