Play It Right…So Says Playwright Shakespeare

I’ve never been so frustrated with either parent that a fortune cookie reversed our lives so we could switch places to learn mutual respect of each other-- a lá Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in the 2003 movie Freaky Friday. At this age, when I look in the mirror a genetic mosaic reflects back at me.

When you look in the mirror who do you see? Your mother’s eye crinkles? Your grandmother’s nose? Untamed eyebrows just like your father? Much more than physical characteristics I recognize…I see the lessons I teach my kids, it’s the phrases I utter that, yes, my mother used to say twenty years ago, it’s the dreams, ambitions, and hobbies I identify with along the DNA path. And one scary glimpse sees that as we age, the older generations do, too.

William Shakespeare, who turned 450 this past week, wrote that the last of the “seven ages of man” is a second childhood. He observed that parents and children often reverse roles as parents grow older. I’m lucky—my parents are still healthy and vibrant. But when do those roles get reversed? My mom was 19 when her mother died. My father lost both parents by the time he was 46. Daunting, reality-facing facts that freak out most people.

The so-called circle of life begins to feel noose-like if you dwell on the negative aspects of caring for your parents or older loved ones. This sandwiched golden era, in some ways, may be fleeting. And if so, do I take the time to really appreciate it? And them? And what about the important life lessons they have gifted to me?

Since I only read Cliffs Notes versions of Shakespeare’s works—here’s my abbreviated list of what I have valued from my parents and grandparents:

1—Make time. My dad had lunch with his mom at least once a week throughout his professional life. I can only hope to have that kind of relationship with my adult kids.

2—No table is too small. My grandparents lived in humble homes, yet that did not stop them from filling them with people and food.

3—You get more when you give. My father’s ever-thoughtful generosity is quite a high standard. I always took note of his considerate gestures and vowed to be like him.

4—Never stop caring. Just like people say you never stop worrying when you’re a parent, the same happens when thinking about the older generation. Admirably my mother devotes countless hours taking care of her stepmother who turns 95 this May.

5—Embrace your in-laws. I grew up knowing that my parents truly loved and appreciated their in-laws. My mom emphasized how much my paternal grandparents loved my dad, and she respected that bond. While I know those relationships can be complicated and sometimes not perfect, I want that love and respect to trickle down to the relationships with my kids’ someday spouses.

Think about what you value most about what you’ve learned from your parents and grandparents, what is especially worth highlighting and modeling before we hit Shakespeare’s second childhood. The Bard was on to something in Sonnet 2:

When forty winters shall beseige thy brow,
And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field,
Thy youth's proud livery, so gazed on now,
Will be a tatter'd weed, of small worth held…

When looking in the mirror we may notice forty winters’ wrinkles, but look deeper for those imparted and important lessons. To me, my parents’ and grandparents’ respectful, loving, and generous examples run deeper than any superficial trait. What do you value the most? Write it down—iambic pentameter purely optional.