If I hear the movie title Jerry
Maguire, I immediately picture Cuba Gooding, Jr. passionately repeat, “Show
me the money!” This popped into my head last week as I was spring cleaning my
DVD collection in hopes of 1.) urging along warmer spring weather, and 2.)
finding some Thomas DVD for my 3
year-old. The movie jacket for the 1996 flick starring Tom Cruise and Renée
Zellweger made me smile. As a leadership studies undergrad I learned the importance
of vision statements. So I especially appreciate Tom Cruise’s titled character
having his eureka moment, inspiring him to write his own statement about being
a better sports agent. At the movie’s
start Maguire takes a long, hard look in the mirror, and an intense passion
fires him up about changing the typical agent-athlete relationship. In the end,
that focus reduces his number of clients to one, Rod Tidwell.
Do you sometimes feel in life that the person in front of you
truly doesn’t see you for who you are? That you are reduced to someone you are
not?
There’s nothing worse than people judging—or misjudging--
you. Except that I’ll add when it’s someone close to you. When certain
relationships disappoint I end up feeling drained. Or as an adaption to
Zellweger’s famous quip, I think to myself, “You deplete me.” Because I literally feel anxious, stressed, and even zapped
of energy.
Psychologist Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter
writes in Psychology Today, “In the
times we live in, energy, especially the positive kind, is a precious
commodity. It's not something you should willingly give up to the
negative power of those who would steal your energy.”
And seeing someone does not take that much effort. Maybe an extra silence
so you can listen to what he/she is saying or taking a conscious effort to read
facial expressions and body language. A few days ago I was driving through a
food store giant’s infamous parking lot—which is always jam-packed. I shockingly
witnessed three people in their 60s and 70s just cross to the entrance without
a mere glance at the surrounding cars.
As we age do we just not care as much
to look? To see?
There truly is a positive power in seeing. And a danger
exists, (and not just getting hit by a car), in not—because that inability fractures
relationships. I’ve discovered when someone interacts with me, not listening,
and definitely not seeing my point of view, that they come across as dismissive
and condescending. And at this stage in life, with only so much energy to offer
the universe, that it makes sense to distance yourself, set boundaries, remind
yourself that it isn’t you, and most importantly perhaps, remember these
feelings when you’re the one “seeing” someone else.
Hopefully you have that vision and make an affirmative statement
in your relationships--that the person on the receiving end actually feels
stronger, better, and appreciated. See what I mean?
For the article “How to Deal With People
Who Drain You”:
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