No More Mr. "Right" Guy

I challenge any peer to hear Tracy Chapman’s song title “Fast Car” and not immediately hear those iconic, melodic guitar notes. I remember playing that well-worn cassette over and over in my pastel, pill-shaped boom box while sitting on my bedroom’s carpet. As I look back I wonder if what drew me to the song, and therefore connected me to it, was the song’s sense of hope and strength of character. I always loved the lyric, “Me myself I got nothing to prove.” 

Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing some soul searching and learning. I’ve read three books about toxic relationships. Among the compelling ah-hah moments one notion particularly struck a chord. That certain personalities get in a tug of war to prove that they are right, seeking validation. As someone with a strong sense of conviction regarding honesty and fairness combined with a pleaser, hope-filled personality I realized I was vulnerable, being trapped into thinking people would change if they better understood, if they knew the facts, if they accepted me for who I am.

Can people’s core personalities change as we get older?

As much as I think I’m right about certain things and would like to prove some people wrong, hoping to change their perspective, now I feel that can’t be done. Simply because the other person thinks they are correct. Their opinion, their version, their history, is how they perceive it—so of course, they think they are right. No one can change them. I surely cannot.

I even witnessed this while in my cushy movie theater recliner as my family and I watched The Last Jedi. Spoiler alert—Kylo Ren is who he is. Even people strong with the Force cannot turn him from the dark side. And they have lightsabers. Rey needs to accept that she cannot change him.

A friend suggested I listen to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversation podcasts. During my commute to Philly I listened to one with religious leader Rob Bell. Oprah asks him, “What life lesson has taken the longest to learn?” And my ears perked up. He replies, “There’s nothing to prove.” And like Frankie Avalon in Grease’s heavenly beauty salon Tracy Chapman hovered over my shoulder, and I hear, “Me myself I got nothing to prove.”

Is our self-worth wrapped in feeling vindicated?

What would life be like if people stopped trying to prove themselves to be right? That by knowing one’s own reality, that feeling comfortable with their own perspective, was enough? Why spend the emotional energy to pointlessly prove you’re right? And by accepting that others may have different perspectives, one can move on without the angst and disappointment of unsuccessfully changing them. Rey couldn’t change Kylo Ren. Tracy Chapman did not change her boyfriend in the song.

So what to do the next time you feel the urge to prove you’re right? You know what to do and can most likely sing along….

“Take your fast car and keep on driving…”