Grace or Grit: Taking the High Road For Our Kids' Disappointments

While watching the latest royal wedding one word buzzed through my head—grace. How everyone—the bridal party, gospel choir, commentators—displayed true grace as they went through the motions. Perhaps the perfect 70 degree, blue sky weather helped set the mood, but even without that backdrop the royals’ event would have gone on without—(and with)—a hitch.

But not everyone’s life mirrors pristine perfection like that day. As someone who feels emotional cuts like sharp wounds, I try to muster grace, even when challenged, to reach a Zen-like state. Taking the high road is not always easy--especially as a mother when you feel that crushing, belly busting hurt others cause your kids. It’s not easy to let go of the heartache, disappointment, and anger. I struggle.

Should we be more graceful as we get older?  

This past spring—and even last week-- I experienced that tidal wave of outrage that I had to stifle. For the first instance with my daughter I turned the event into a teachable moment, trying to inspire strong character, when behind the scenes I didn’t sleep for nights and cried for her disappointment. Last week I opted to not bring it up with my son—waiting for the right moment when I wouldn’t feel my chest ache so I could be more present and level-headed.

I recently watched Rocky IV with my two youngest boys. I hadn’t seen that movie in decades, but what I remembered, (besides Apollo Creed dying), was the powerful montage of Rocky Balboa training for his bout with Ivan Drago. The beard, the snow, the leather jacket…and Sylvester Stallone somehow running, climbing, even clawing his way to the top of a snowy mountain. He alone at the summit.

I’m no heavyweight fighter nor do I physically train like one, but as a mother I do carry my children’s heavy emotional pain akin to Rocky lifting timber in the Russian tundra. I think most moms do. When it comes to my kids’ disappointments I take a different high road than if something happened to just me. Maybe it’s because I hurt more deeply. I care more. I wonder what’s swirling in their minds. I worry about the effects that could manifest in the future. I think about their self-esteem, confidence, and their reactions. I know kids should learn from losing, getting bad grades, and being disappointed—I get those lessons. I’m talking about HUGE crushing blows.

All I can say is that taking the high road allows us to reach the cleaner air and gain a clearer perspective. The strenuous emotional workout to the mountain top is worth it—because even at our age, we have a lot to learn, to still grow stronger, and to inspire ourselves to embody royal grace. And if we can’t emit that cool, loving, serenity we strive for—I suggest taking a grace period—sometimes distancing yourself with space and time does wonders. And then you’ll be ready for the bell of the next round…