Jumping Back to a Younger Self Brings Joy

I dare anyone in my generation to listen to those first few measures of Van Halen’s “Jump” and NOT think about doing an iconic David Lee Roth leap.  Ripped zigzagged leggings not required.  Last week I heard that song on the radio, and instantly I was transported to my parents’ family room where MTV was an after school fixture, and my brother, sister, and I would try to recreate his amazing jumps.  With that memory a smile and joy overcame me--feelings of innocent youth, energy, and being a little rock star-like.

At my age can I feel that way again?  Laughingly I bet if I tried an airborne spread eagle it would be pathetic.  That begs the question—can we go back to a younger time in our lives?  Or is that moment forever gone, a fixture in our memory along with visions of Martha Quinn’s hair cut?

Last Thursday at work I talked about age and starting this blog.  My friend said to me, “Well, how old do you feel?  Do you feel almost 40?”

I responded with a typical, “Some days I feel like I’m 25.  Some days I feel like I’m 71.” 

Something bugged me about that conversation.  I thought about age and my emotional relation to it.  What if instead I countered to my friend, “How old do I want to feel?”

This past summer I transported myself back in time, not to 1984, but instead dialed it a little later…to high school.  A group of local women and I decided to dust off our unused tennis rackets and head to the courts—it had been a good 20 or so years for most of us.  We all acted a little nervous, apologetic about the many shots hitting the net, all while feeling out everyone’s playing level.  But the overwhelming feeling that became palpable was giddy youth: our wrinkles erased, our mom haircuts morphed into ponytails with styled bangs, and our baggy shorts became high school uniformed tennis skirt pleats.  In less than an hour we became versions of ourselves--as happy teenagers.  Our maiden names came out of retirement, stories of yesteryear spilled onto the court, and our rosy cheeks brimmed with smiles.  Sure, some of us were out of shape, (I admit to feeling that way), but a bigger reason for the red faces was the euphoric joy of doing an activity we all loved two decades ago.   Playing tennis again felt exciting, nostalgic, and youthful. Maybe we weren’t rock stars, but in a tiny way the extra bounce in our step created a confident, shared edge. 

May that story be a living lesson for any of us in middle age.  As easy as it is to view an old eighties video on You Tube, (wow, was Eddie Van Halen’s blazer bright yellow), we can choose an activity to make us feel a certain age that we want to relive.  We can’t be 17 again, but we can do things to unveil that younger soul.  Play a sport we once did.  Try playing piano again.  Make a recipe that brings us back into Grandma’s kitchen.  What have we got to lose?  “Oh can’t you see what I mean?  Might as well…JUMP!”

Seeking Balance

During a recent yoga class my rosy-cheeked instructor impressed upon us to focus on our core muscles—because our core helps with our balance.  Considering I’ve never had a six-pack, (and that’s not just from my four pregnancies), I thought about this sentiment...and not just about my need to do more planks so I could improve my wobbly balance poses. I thought about how that statement applied to my life.  How focusing on my critical core would bring me fulfillment and balance, something I have been seeking during this stage when many of life’s uncertainties are known…I’m settled in a perfect place geographically, I’m married, I have my children.  But so many questions swirl in my head.  How should I focus my time to bring most happiness now?  Most peace?  Most excitement?  My kids keep reminding me that I’ll soon be over the hill.  And truth be told, yes, there is a finite number of productive years remaining…so I want to make sure my walk over that hill is just as incredible as the start of my life’s journey.

While my sweet yoga instructor spoke a light bulb, or more aptly, a candle, went off in my head.  That I would begin that search by writing observations during this year’s quest as I find what it means to be a woman who is forty, figuring that some of my perspectives may connect with others with similar thoughts.

What am I missing?  What brings true joy?  What should I be doing?  How do I fit into this puzzle of aging parents and maturing children?  Are there life experiences I’ve been pushing off “until I have more time?”  How do I avoid regrets?  Let’s be real-- the rigors of daily living rarely bless me with open chunks of leisure.  That unless I focus -- carve out the time, prioritize--life’s minutes and minutiae will gobble up my remaining life and leave me unsatisfied or unfulfilled.

So join me as I strengthen my core so that I may find balance in life.  And not just in the cozy yoga studio.

I am Finding Forty,
Lisa