While watching the latest royal wedding one word buzzed
through my head—grace. How
everyone—the bridal party, gospel choir, commentators—displayed true grace as
they went through the motions. Perhaps the perfect 70 degree, blue sky weather
helped set the mood, but even without that backdrop the royals’ event would have
gone on without—(and with)—a hitch.
But not everyone’s life mirrors pristine perfection like
that day. As someone who feels emotional cuts like sharp wounds, I try to muster
grace, even when challenged, to reach a Zen-like state. Taking the high road is
not always easy--especially as a mother when you feel that crushing, belly
busting hurt others cause your kids. It’s not easy to let go of the heartache,
disappointment, and anger. I struggle.
Should we be more graceful as we get older?
This past spring—and even last week-- I experienced that
tidal wave of outrage that I had to stifle. For the first instance with my
daughter I turned the event into a teachable moment, trying to inspire strong
character, when behind the scenes I didn’t sleep for nights and cried for her
disappointment. Last week I opted to not bring it up with my son—waiting for
the right moment when I wouldn’t feel my chest ache so I could be more present
and level-headed.
I recently watched Rocky
IV with my two youngest boys. I hadn’t seen that movie in decades, but what
I remembered, (besides Apollo Creed dying), was the powerful montage of Rocky
Balboa training for his bout with Ivan Drago. The beard, the snow, the leather
jacket…and Sylvester Stallone somehow running, climbing, even clawing his way
to the top of a snowy mountain. He alone at the summit.
I’m no heavyweight fighter nor do I physically train like
one, but as a mother I do carry my children’s heavy emotional pain akin to Rocky
lifting timber in the Russian tundra. I think most moms do. When it comes to my
kids’ disappointments I take a different high road than if something happened
to just me. Maybe it’s because I hurt more deeply. I care more. I wonder what’s
swirling in their minds. I worry about the effects that could manifest in the
future. I think about their self-esteem, confidence, and their reactions. I
know kids should learn from losing, getting bad grades, and being disappointed—I
get those lessons. I’m talking about HUGE crushing blows.
All I can say is that taking the high road allows us to
reach the cleaner air and gain a clearer perspective. The strenuous emotional workout
to the mountain top is worth it—because even at our age, we have a lot to
learn, to still grow stronger, and to inspire ourselves to embody royal grace.
And if we can’t emit that cool, loving, serenity we strive for—I suggest taking
a grace period—sometimes distancing yourself with space and time does wonders. And
then you’ll be ready for the bell of the next round…
