Late Bloomers May Bring Unexpected Joys

Some gardeners look at seed catalogs during the winter, anticipating new plants to become food delicacies to enjoy. I look out at my simple, overgrown weedy garden on this January day and wonder if I’ll ever grow more than one cantaloupe a season. And will it be worth it?

As much as I love gardening—it’s backbreaking work. Sometimes with little rewards. Some plants do better than others. Even last week I was surprised by a tiny indoor spider plant—one that I’ve had for 11 years. It bloomed a delicate flower that lasted a day. For more than a decade this plant never bloomed a flower. What a delightful surprise! All this time…and this week, for a fraction of time, it gave me an unexpected joy.

Last weekend I was talking to two moms, and I had no clue that one has an interest in being a young adult novelist. I say has for a reason, because I believe anyone who has a dream, who feels a calling, can pursue it—no matter when in life they bloom.

Do you feel like a late bloomer? What soulful calling churns in your deepest thoughts? What whispers ideas that excite your imagination?

Those moments crackle in my spine…I get urges to create, to make connections, to produce something new. And when those moments germinate my pulse quickens and physically I feel a lightness and energy: hope intertwined with innovation and joy. In some ways I feel like seeds had been buried deep in some wintry garden of my soul, and who knows when the flower will burst?

I wonder if others feel the same. Like even Vera Wang---I had no idea that she worked as a fashion editor until age 39. Then she opened her boutique and began designing wedding gowns. Or that American painter Grandma Moses, born in 1860, had her first big show in 1940. How impressive that a young-at-heart 78, Moses began painting in earnest.

What has always intrigued me about creativity and art—and that applies to entrepreneurs starting a new company, engineers striking up product ideas, amateur chefs concocting a dish—in ALL areas of life--is that everyone is juiced with the ability to create. That all it takes is a glimmer of an idea, some carved out time to focus on it, and a pure joy of simmering in the creation.

Everyone has a creative spark inside. It may take 11 years to see it surface, like the delicate spider plant flower. It may take decades for a book to sell. It may be even decades before you start. It may be a lifetime of backbreaking work to see any success…but that’s not the point, is it?  If you feel that sensation bubbling, that you just want to start, who knows what will burst forth? Along the way the inner joy will bring you a sense of lightness and purpose. You may even surprise yourself, I’m sure.

Time article about Grandma Moses

Photo Finish? A Real Race to Picture Popularity

Over Thanksgiving my family spent some peaceful time in Cape Cod. On a sunny yet frigid day I drove my boys to a beach to check out the late afternoon sun on the bay. Surprised, we were struck by the impressive beauty of the frozen sea foam creating an Arctic scene. Knowing that my 14 year-old daughter would love taking landscape pictures I called my husband to drive her to the same spot.

My daughter loves taking photos, and I wholeheartedly encourage this passion. Immediately I could sense her excitement—she started clicking, standing on ice, kneeling, trying to capture the best possible angles. Granted, she was wearing Birkenstocks unlike the polar expedition attire I wore. When she lost her sandal somewhere in icy slush she didn’t even tell me…determined to find it. I saw her gloveless hands digging, searching, when I realized what happened. Going after the ideal photo and lost in the moment she did not think about possibly losing the sandal. I told her to get to the car and put on the heat. She needed to defrost. And while the sun set I started poking the frosty surf, muttering under my breath at the moment’s absurdity.

I thought—how far would she go for a photo?

Hello, perspective…recently my newsfeed highlighted an article about senseless deaths from people going much farther than my daughter to snap the enviable pic: a culture of extremes for social media fame. People literally sitting on the edge of skyscrapers for Instagram popularity. Hiking scary cliffs. Taking a selfie with a bear. The adrenaline achieved plus the likes and follower tallies fuel even the average person to take high risks and make questionable decisions.

Now I fully realize that my daughter’s shutterbug quest isn’t the same as posing next to an erupting volcano—but I wonder: how far will people go in potentially harmful situations? And as  parents…do we understand the intense social pressures that stir these extreme choices? And I don’t mean for just photography--sake, I mean in life. For 13 years total I will parent teenagers, (calculating until my youngest will be 19), and merely at the cusp now I wonder if my nerves can hack it. I worry about my kids’ safety. And my fortitude. This when my kids haven’t pushed the limits. Yet.

Researching risky teen behavior I found that the most profound influence is, surprise, their peers. That teen brains are wired to focus on their friends, seek peer rewards, and long to be included. And the brain’s lateral prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for mature self-regulation, develops gradually during adolescence. 

So how far will kids go? How much effort will we make to literally peer into our teens’ own lenses to understand their motivations and decisions? As I continue this journey with the sacred sisterhood of cherished mom friends, I can only hope to glean some insights before our kids—or us—literally snap.

And if you’re wondering what happened to my daughter’s Birkenstock…I determinedly plowed through that Cape Cod Bay slush, and with frozen fingers extracted her sandal.

Photo Extremes article in Fast Company

Teens and Risk Taking article in Psychology Today

Spinning My Own 45

Growing up we had a Fisher Price record player, and I remember being at the age when I was beyond listening to books on records. At Allentown’s Laneco, the equivalent of today’s Target, (food, home goods, even clothes), the music section pulled me every shopping trip. One day my mom told us we could pick out our own record, and I took the task seriously, flipping through the 45s in their paper covers, wanting to make a good first purchase. I ended up choosing Diana Ross’s “Upside Down”—the first of many musical buys in my life.

And here I am…turning 45. Sometimes I relate to those records, constantly spinning. As much as I’ve seen our world turn upside down I hold many steady truths close to my heart. What truths propel you? What keeps you grounded? Inspired? Here’s just a sampling of things I’ve witnessed, internalized, and ponder, especially in the first half of my 40s:

• Senseless events happen in every community.
• Kids’ unique glow and their impressionable souls need to be celebrated and encouraged.
• Our livers harbor too many toxins. We all need to hydrate and eat healthier.
• Toxicity in all areas of life should be eliminated.
• Stay true to yourself. And always strive to improve.
• A democracy should have government representation that truly represents its citizens.
• Some of society’s “machines” seem too daunting to fix.
• Every single child needs teachers who have their backs.
• Surround yourself with people who feel like sunshine.
• Don’t take wins to your head or losses to your heart.
• I’ll never tire of reading and loving the power of an amazing book.
• Finding activities that bring you joy should never tag along with guilt.
• Moms amaze me for their strength, how much they carry, and all that they do.
• It’s a tough tightrope of living for today and saving for the future.
• We cannot grasp the digital effects on our children—they live a different childhood than ours.
• Time seems to be moving at a faster clip.
• Mainstream medicine still does not have a handle on autoimmune diseases.
• Leaders should follow a moral code.
• The rampant sexual harassment reported over the past year disturbs me.
• Everyone has a story to tell. They’re worth listening to.
• I still get awestruck by privilege. That certain people’s paths are instantly easier because of money and connections. I often wonder if they sincerely, humbly are grateful for it.
• Coordinating trips with friends is nearly impossible because everyone has so much happening. But those relationships and “time off” nourish the soul.
• I believe in the promise of kids. And I hope they believe in themselves.

As I spin from day to day at the age of 45, I rely more on instincts, often having my emotions turned “inside out” like Diana Ross sings, and I know this much to be true. That even at 45—with the right people around—you can still feel hopeful, young, and inspired. There’s so much life yet to be played! 

Seeking Simplicity

Like in my journal where a blank page offers a sense of hope, the clicking over into a new year brings that same sense of optimism and clarity. A sincere taking stock of both the good and frustrating from the last 12 months with a twist of yearning, wide-eyed promise into the next. In some ways the mental page flip of the kitchen calendar reminds me what is most important in life. 

With renewed spirit after the overindulgence of the holidays—the mind/body/house clutter—always returns with a need to simplify. The need to refine. Years ago when I was a business consultant in Boston my favorite manager, Bob, told me that we should be able to relay our overarching plan to the client in haiku form. That the usual consulting-ese often convolutes the purpose of engagements. We should stay focused with a clear objective in everything we do and say. That idea stuck with me.

I just read Stephen King’s memoir On Writing, and he would agree with Bob. He suggests during the first edit that you reduce the writing by 10% and stay focused on the overall theme. That every detail, action, and dialogue should all advance in the sweeping notion of the story’s central idea. 

With too many life distractions how difficult is it to stay focused? Can we all edit 10% of our lives?

I am in awe of successful people who achieve beyond what I have done in my 44 years. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I wander too much…that multitasking in different directions stands as a feeble, flimsy yet realistic excuse for not doing more. I can justify that of course I haven’t finished my 180,000 page novel; that I’m too busy cleaning up my kitchen five times a day along with everything else that drains my energy. As Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler would say, “Really?!?!”

So in seeking simplicity I took a stab at writing my own haiku:

Striving for simple,

honest, true living

sometimes exhausts me.

Granted, traditional Japanese poets wrote haiku poems inspired by nature, a moment of beauty, or a poignant experience, and mine is none of that…but those 17 syllables encapsulate how I feel. Why does carving out a simpler life take so much work?

In A Whole New Mind author Daniel Pink suggests drawing a five-line self-portrait for a creative spin at looking at the bigger picture. I interpreted the exercise as a way to distill the true essence of who you are. A graphical haiku of sorts. Here’s mine:

As with all new year’s resolutions filled with an expectant hope, my search for simplicity will, I’m sure, veer off-course as life’s mundane consumes my minutes. But I pray that glimpses of filtered, stripped-down priorities make their way into my cluttered mind as reminders to keep it simple. And I suggest that you try the same—pen a poem or draw upon what’s truly essential for you.