Who are We Kidding?

Two weeks ago at my 10 year-old’s basketball game the referee paused the game to talk to the visiting parents. Since I was working the scoreboard across the gym floor I couldn’t hear the conversation. After the game the ref spoke to the visiting coaches. I overheard him explaining that their fan said derogatory remarks to one of the home team players, and the ref put a stop to the jeers because it “just wasn’t right.” Within the same week I heard about a local school board meeting where a 15 year-old boy spoke about how he felt more comfortable for their school district to continue the mask mandate due to the Omicron wave. And a woman at the meeting yelled a horrific, “Shoot him!”

When I heard the second story it felt like I was in that meeting, watching an impressionable boy being verbally assaulted by an adult, with demonizing, much more than insulting, words. And if I felt attacked merely hearing the story, how did he feel? His parents? For the 5^th grader at my son’s game the comment’s threat was at a much lesser level, but still…all I can think is: Why don’t parents have a filter, especially when it comes to kids?

I’m no angel…I’ve been to my share of youth sports events. I’ve winced at the seeming cheaters calling bad line shots on the tennis court. I’ve bristled along the soccer field when I’ve felt kids are too physical and should be called on it. But to verbally attack a child?

Are adults so emboldened that they can freely shout insults at kids who are still developing, still forming their own sense of self-worth? Still sizing up the world around them and figuring out how they fit in? Still learning how to treat other humans? What happened to these adults in their lives to justify these actions?

I’ll never forget the indoor baseball tournament my oldest son played in years ago. My son hit a triple and was obviously psyched. He was on a high until the next inning when he was perched on the rubber pitcher’s mound. He walked a kid and looked visibly upset and frustrated. Some mother from the other team shouted a gravelly, “Good! You deserve it, pitcher! We got you!” Even though I despise conflict, I stood up in the bleachers and said, “That’s enough! That’s my son!” and in my head I thought—aren’t these all our kids?!?!

On the flipside of these nasty remarks, I’ve seen the power in community parenting, where like-minded, good-hearted people have looked out for each other’s children, helping to raise caring, confident, and thoughtful individuals. These parents with perspective, oftentimes coaches, have these kids’ heads and hearts in the right place. If you have these adults in your circle, thank them. Appreciate them. Make sure your kids express their gratitude towards them. Because it does take a village to raise kids. 

I don’t know if the threatening woman at the school board meeting will be arrested for her terroristic threats against a minor, but such behavior does warrant us all to be mindful of the effects we adults have on children.