When "In" It, Get "Out"

Flipping the calendar to February I always feel a sense of accomplishment—for getting through a long, cold, dark winter month. Yes, I realize there are 45 more days until spring, and I will be wearing fleece-lined yoga pants and boots until April. For my birthday two weeks ago I laughed when I opened my new LLBean slippers and saw an enclosed sticker that said--“Be an Outsider”—because I practically hibernate in winter. Get out? Not me.

While it could be weather’s influence, I feel I’m in a slump of sorts. When people ask, “How are you doing?” I feel compelled to respond, “Overwhelmed and exhausted.” Not only does the daily grind continue, but now I need to plan for the spring and summer…sports, camps, teams, kids’ classes for next year, vacation…the many emails I manage around just these topics suffocate my inbox.

So I keep doing my best to manage. And feel way underappreciated for motherhood’s monotony.

How do you see yourself when you are “in it”? That place when you’re overwhelmed and exhausted?

Last week one of my MBA students delivered a speech and talked about her role on a US aircraft carrier in the Pacific Ocean. As she told about the many moveable parts, (navigating the ship, keeping her crew happy, scheduling the logistics for planes to take off and land), I thought of the mom role—and while we don’t have to steer in politically-intense, international waters, the many unpredictable and constant activities of raising children make me feel like ALL mothers need to be saluted. That we, indeed, are steering complicated vessels.

Because sometimes we all—mothers or not—are sailing in a flurry of to do’s and just doing the best we can. So I decided to interpret that sticker’s advice—as in, get an outsider’s view.

I polled my kids to get a glimpse of their thoughts on motherhood. I asked them four questions and here are their responses in order of youngest, (age 6), to oldest, (age 13):

What is the best thing about being a mother?

Spending time with kids.

Driving kids all the time.

Having kids and making them happy by cooking.

You get a chance to be a better parent than your parents.

What is the worst thing about being a mother?

Taking care of your kids.

Dealing with annoying kids and kids talking back.

Doing the schedule for everyone.

You don’t really get alone time. You can’t have sick days.

What is the best part of being YOUR mother?

We have fun together.

You feed me good things I like.

We both like the same music.

You don’t have to deal with anything. I’m really independent.

What is the worst part of being YOUR mother?

Cooking for me.

Yelling at me.

My persistence.

I don’t know—I’m not a bad kid.

Taking an outside view of motherhood and the relationship with each of my kids—even just sitting with them while answering my questions—made me step back and realize how lucky I am to have these four people in my life, even if the work and effort can sometimes be mundane, bone-tiring, and exasperating. Some of their responses, while not particularly profound, made me smile. And I could sense that even if they don’t say it, they DO realize the work of being their mom.

I encourage anyone who feels caught in a morass of drudgery or that hectic state of always being on deck of their own ship, to literally “get out”—seek an outside perspective. Find out how others view you. You may be surprised or entertained by their responses. You may feel appreciated. At the very least, it will be an “in”-teresting exchange, giving you a break from folding that mountain of laundry.