Even the Naughty People in Your Life Can Add a Nice Perspective

I grew up with my mother often retelling her view of friendship…that her mother always said to her, “You’re a lucky person if you can count five good friends on one hand.”  While I agree with this truth, and I’m blessed for my friendships, sometimes I get nostalgic for friends who once were in my life.  Or I get frustrated by the people who bring negativity, and I wonder if I should just cut ties.  At this age should we just maximize our time and only create memories with those who bring us joy?  After a holiday of giving thanks for the good I’m starting to realize that even the bad--including people who may be on Santa’s naughty list--have a purpose. 

If you think about it—the characters we bring into our lives help us shape our life story.  And every good story needs drama.  For interesting drama there needs to be conflict.  And for tension to exist these “bad” people have a role…but maybe it’s not so bad.  Any good novel or movie needs that character to spice up the storyline.  Remember—in life you’re the main character of your own best novel.  It would be boring if there were no villains.  The positives these individuals bring to my life: they add perspective, patience, and strength.

1—These negative people do offer a different perspective.  You can try walking in their shoes and understand where they’re coming from.  You can think about how you could help them.  Maybe they’re missing something from their lives.  By trying to appreciate their view your own mind gets stretched and maybe you’ll think of something you’ve never thought of before.  They don’t think or act like you would, but they’re not you. 

2—As a mother the most important virtue I’ve nurtured is patience.  And believe me, my volcano erupts more than I’d like it to.  The same applies when these folks drain me.  I feel my stress meter rise.  When irked by someone I find myself doing deep breathing, making more of an effort to listen, and trying to be as compassionate as possible.  It’s like I’m exercising a part of my soul that needs strengthening. 

3—Lately I’ve been focusing on one word when dealing with extra difficult people, and that’s “fortitude.”  For some reason when I recite this word it brings me peace that I can have the strength to withstand someone’s judging statement, someone’s passive aggressive behavior, or some action that just cuts to my core.  I know if I have the strength to get over it, to let it slide, I’m a better person for it.  And then I use that memory of strength to get me through the next time it happens.  And I feel calmer and surer of myself.

I’m not saying that my mother and grandmother would start counting “bad” people as blessings on their fingers, but maybe it’s time to be thankful for these people in our lives.  Just a simple shift in how we think about these relationships.  As we learn to live with them our own character further develops. We should appreciate that they help give our life meaning, playing a role in our life story.